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  • Ordering a pizza

    Posted on October 21st, 2017 at 18:00 woody Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    “Hello there – is this Gordon’s Pizza?”

    “No, sir – it’s Google’s Pizza.”

    “I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.”

    “No, sir, this is the correct number. Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.”

    “Oh! Okay then – I would like to order a pizza.”

    “Do you want your usual, sir?”

    “My usual? You know me?”

    “According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.*

    “Right! That’s just what I want.”

    “May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten-free, thin crust?”

    “What? I detest vegetables!”

    “Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”

    “How the hell do you know that?”

    “Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.”

    “Okay, okay – but I don’t want your awful vegetable pizza – I already take medication for my cholesterol.”

    “Excuse me, sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug sale Network, 4 months ago.”

    “I bought more from another drugstore.”

    “That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.”

    “I paid in cash.”

    “But you did not withdraw enough cash, according to your bank statement.”

    “I have other sources of cash.”

    “That doesn’t show on your last tax return, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.”

    “WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !”

    “I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.”

    “Enough! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others!! I’m going to an island without the Internet, without cable TV – some place where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me!!”

    “I understand, sir. But do you know that you need to renew your passport first? It expired 6 weeks ago.”

  • The embargo comes off: Microsoft’s home speaker from Harmon Kardon

    Posted on October 20th, 2017 at 08:25 woody Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    No, I didn’t get an advance review copy. Doubt that I would’ve plugged it in.

    Reviews are in from Paul Thurrott, Mary Jo Foley, Dan Seifert at The Verge, Tom Haselton at CNBC — and no doubt a hundred more to come.

    My bottom line:

    Hey, Cortana. How do I sell a Harmon Kardon Invoke?

    Yes, sometimes you can “review” a piece of hardware without even touching it.

  • Happy Diwali!

    Posted on October 19th, 2017 at 02:54 woody Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    Wishes for a year of prosperity, health and fun!

    झिलमिलाते दीपों की रोशनी से प्रकाशित ये दीपावली आपके घर में सुख समृद्धि और आशीर्वाद ले कर आए शुभ दीपावली!

  • Recently updated topics you may have missed

    Posted on October 19th, 2017 at 02:09 Kirsty Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    It’s possible you may have missed recent security updates that have been made to Chrome, Firefox, Thunderbird, Java and Flash Player. The following topics have now been updated with the US-Cert alerts, with links:

    Chrome Security Update: US-CERT (Browser)

    Mozilla Security Update: US-CERT (Firefox)

    Mozilla Security Update: US-CERT (Thunderbird)

    Oracle Security Update: US-CERT (Java etc)

    1000002: Links to Flash update resources

    Subscribers to those topics should have received emails with details of the new posts. However, we have had some reports that some people are currently not receiving those emails. If your subscription emails aren’t working, please let us know.

    Also updated recently is AKB3000005: On the subject of Botnets, which was posted last month, but promptly disappeared in a backup-reset of the site.

  • Windows 10 IQ Test – Part 2

    Posted on October 18th, 2017 at 05:33 woody Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    So how did you fare with the first Win10 IQ test?

    Try your hand at Part 2.

  • New online version of Google Calendar

    Posted on October 17th, 2017 at 11:40 woody Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    As most of you know, I’m a big fan of Google Calendar for all sorts of reasons — accessibility on all platforms, solid interface, easy sharing, and much more.

    Google is rolling out a new interface that’s gently improved, plus a bunch of new features. Read about them here.

    If your account has access to the new features, there’ll be a link in the upper right of the screen that says Use new calendar. My account hasn’t been updated yet (hint, hint), but I’ll be trying it as soon as it’s available.

  • A challenging problem for you Win7 gurus

    Posted on October 16th, 2017 at 21:06 woody Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    Just got this from MM:

    Windows 7 ultimate computer that at first would only boot in safe mode where i tried to delete the update KB ending in 96 i think, it would try to restart but never finish – then i guess i must have pressed startup repair and now it is in an endless loop. i can no longer get back to the safe mode option, only the command prompt. Which is where i get a bit lost. So i have two issues – i need to stop the bootloop and when that is done i need to remove the update. i don’t have a boot cd and i do not want to wipe and restore the computer….

    Anybody out there want to take a swing at this?

  • This site is going up and down. Again.

    Posted on October 16th, 2017 at 14:27 woody Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    No idea if it’s a new attack, or a new manifestation of the old one.